Obsession

I used to think I was obsessed with food. I read cookbooks the way other people read novels. I subscribe to just about every cooking magazine available. I watch the food channel and Discovery Channel food shows and public TV cooking shows and Anthony Bourdain (but maybe more for Tony Bourdain than for the food angle!). I shop for food with enthusiasm. I chop and slice and dice. I sautee and grill. I read restaurant reviews with glee. I mean, I'm obsessed. But the last two weeks have shown me an even greater obsession-the one I am feeling now that I am a dieter. Food, glorious food. That's all I think about. I'm mindful enough to pay attention to the meal I'm eating but I'm also thinking ahead and even back. What will I eat next? When will I be able to eat again? How much will I eat? Ugh. I wish I could clear my head of all these thoughts. But I can't.
I cannot say that I've been hungry. With this plan, I just eat if I'm hungry. If lunch hunger arrives at 11 am then I eat. I don't look at the clock or tell myself it's not yet time for lunch. So why am I so obsessed?
Do I miss anything? Maybe oil...olive oil and canola. Only allowing 2 tsp per day means making a choice of how to use the oil. I love salad dressing. But that's not really an option for me because 2 tsp of oil doesn't go very far in a dressing. Saute? 2 tsp doesn't exactly work for a pan full of veggies. Drizzled over the meal for flavor? Haven't tried that yet. Sure, I could use my 35 extra points per week to add more oil but I eat out too much and really should save those points for restaurant meals where I don't have as much control over the ingredients.
Tonight is a dinner event that I must attend. Spoke with the organizer about the menu: chicken breast, salads. Sounds good to me. Olive oil cake with creme fraiche for dessert. Sounds yummy but I'll probably pass.
I lost 30 pounds about 20 years ago (gained back the 30 plus another 20 of course). I remember telling a neighbor that nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I still believe that but some things taste almost as good!