Looking inward

I think yesterday ended up as a pretty good day. I was a bit off my game at first because I had plans to take a friend to lunch for her birthday. I was determined to get back on track after the weekend of indulgences. I was going to make the mistake of skipping breakfast-gasp!-to save up some calories for lunch. Silly me. But by 9 am I was just too hungry so I ate two scrambled eggs cooked in a dry pan accompanied by 6 ounces of skim (yuck) milk.
Friend called. She had to go to work unexpectedly so no lunch out. I have to say that I was not disappointed. I needed the day to get myself back on track. To do that, I had to eat all my meals at home.
I left the house at 11 am to run a few errands, intending to be back here by noonish to make lunch. Of course, that didn't happen. By the time I arrived home at 1 pm, I was very hungry. That's always a mistake. I wanted to stop by Trader Joe's to do some food shopping before I went home but I was just too hungry. I knew it would be a mistake to stay out any longer because I could tell that I was about to make a dieting mistake. My mouth was calling out for Pepsi. Real sugary Pepsi. I was thirsty and hungry. One slice of pizza to accompany that Pepsi would have been lovely but the Pepsi was what I really wanted. So I gathered up all my strength and went home.
Alas, the cupboard was bare-which was why I was on my way to Trader Joe's. But good sense prevailed and I made myself a bowl of oatmeal. It satisfied enough for me to go to the store and get some "real" food.
I'm still not comfortable. Thoughts of forbidden foods are swimming in my mind like garbage being washed up on shore at the beach. Yes, I know, on WW there are no forbidden foods but let's be honest, there are! I mean, if I use up all my 35 points for the week in one day, the rest of the week will be pretty darn boring.
And why is that I think only "fattening" foods are not boring? Why is that a bowl of ice cream is exciting but a bowl of broccoli is boring? Is it taste? Is it experience? Is it emotional? Is it that I assign happiness and excitement to ice cream but assign boredom to broccoli?
Interestingly, there's an article in today's newspaper about "naturally" slim people. They are forever mindful of what they eat and how much they move. An occasional indulgence doesn't have any effect on their weight. One woman reports eating a donut once in a while....but it takes her one whole day to finish the donut because she allows herself only small bites every once in a while. Good grief! How do you get that way??? And do I want to be that way? And why wouldn't I want to be "that way"????
I'm an "expansive" kind of person. I "love" and I "hate" things (and people!). I talk too loud (sometimes), wave my hands about wildly, laugh and shout. I make pronouncements about what I believe-life is in black and white, yes and no, good and bad. Nothing in between. Can I become the kind of person who eats one donut (!) by taking small bites all day long?
Unless I figure this all out, I'm going to be in a constant struggle with my weight. I don't want to live that way. I want to get back to eating what I want when I want but to do that I have to change what I want! Instead of one quart of ice cream, I have to be satisfied with one scoop. Can I become that person?