Just read this article (http://www.nytimes.com/mem/emailthis.html) in the NY Times.
Some pretty insightful stuff, especially the remarks about "self abasement". I say--and I believe it at the time--that I'm trying to lose weight so that I can be healthier. But, really, I'm doing it to look better. I don't know that I am "disgusted" by my appearance but I am not delusional and I know that my naked body doesn't live up to the standards of beauty! (But what 65 year old, thin or fat, can say that her body lives up to the standard of beauty!!!).
One line in particular in this article sticks in my head: "Thin means self-discipline and hard work; fat implies laziness, gluttony and lack of willpower."
I don't know why other people are fat. I do know why I am. I eat too much. I eat too much fat. I eat too much sugar. I consume too much food. I exercise enough. Enough for three people! I don't have a thyroid condition or metabolic imbalance except one that might be created by having too much fat on my body. So for me, I think it is gluttony and lack of willpower. Fat people may not be lazy, gluttonous or lacking in willpower but I am gluttonous and lacking in willpower. If I were less gluttonous and exercised more willpower would I be thinner? Would I be healthier? Would I be happier?
Happier? Would I be happier? When I do exercise willpower and control my gluttony, I am not happier. If I were happier, wouldn't I stay the course? What drives me to overeat again once I do lose weight?