Responsibility

I am apparently the master of my fate. The fate to be fat again. I almost believe that the sly weight watcher's leader did not secretly plan to derail my weight loss attempts. What I do know is that since I stopped going to WW, I have gained weight. Weight I had lost through hard work and determination. Weight so easily gained back by just plain eating. Great delicious food. Again, no regrets. In fact, since I have indeed gained some weight back, I wish I had eaten pizza and dim sum. At least pizza. And dim sum.
I think I understand why not going to the meetings was a mistake. I'm competitive. Offer me a chance to win something--to come out on top---and I'm in. So each weigh in was a competition for me. I had to win. And I did. Every time until that one time. And that's when I left. I gave up. Big L on Sharon's forehead and not for weight LOSS!
You learn something about yourself every day. Some days what you learn ain't so pretty. Today is one of those days.
I'm not going back to WW. I really cannot afford it right now. Is that an excuse? I really don't want to. Money notwithstanding. I don't want to go to listen to those mundane pep talks meant to get me fired up about NOT eating. I can't submit to the scale monitored by someone whose only accomplishment is having lost and maintained her loss. Of course, I so much want to be a member of that club!
Until I am inducted into that club, I'll stay home. Nursing my wounds--in this case, my ever expanding waistline--planning my next attack on my weight.