Defeat and Victory

Well, I am giving up and giving in. I did it again. I joined WW today. I'm actually relieved. I haven't been doing anything at all to help myself. I've been overeating. Making poor choices. Not being mindful. And getting fatter. I need some structure and I don't mean a diet plan. I'll count points. I'll get weighed. I'll start to get back to mindful eating. It's been two years since I started this blog and went on WW last time. And I'm right back where I started.
Dieting most certainly is not the answer. WW is not the answer. I'm the problem and the solution. I had to do something, though. So I chose something familiar and comfortable.
I'm hoping this helps me get back on track. I wish I could believe that I will lose some weight and maintain the loss but that would mean changing my habits for good. I'm already thinking about what to eat on Mother's Day and on my birthday. I'm thinking about dim sum and french fries and Pinkberry and I haven't even started WW yet!
I admit that food is my comfort. Food is my pleasure. Other things give me pleasure but nothing like a crisp fry or a flavorful slice of Peking Duck on a fluffy white bun. Those are pleasures that cannot be denied. Finding a way to incorporate them into a healthier lifestyle--that's the issue. Learning to have one piece of duck skin and a handful of fries. I shall endeavor to work towards that goal.
In the meantime, I'll be counting points, eating more veggies and avoiding restaurants for a while until I've regained control.
Sigh.

Spring cleaning

Worst time of the year--change of seasons. Means I have to go into closet, try on clothes from last season and start making piles to take to resale store. Nothing fits. Nothing ever fits from one season to the next. Can't blame the "cleaners" like I used to when I lived in NYC and stored my clothes over the winter and summer. We only had one closet so each change of season, I would pack up the clothes and take them to our neighborhood cleaners. Everyone did (does?) that. NYC closets were just too small. Then when I'd pick them and try them on, they were always a little tighter. My friends and I used to blame the cleaners. They had to have done something to them in the dry cleaning process.
This time, not the cleaner's fault.Nope. And unless someone snuck into the house while we were gone and exchanged all my clothes for a smaller size, it's gotta be that I gained weight (duh) or there's been an enormous shift in fat and lean tissue. Either one, nothing fits. Even sandals from last summer are too tight. Damn. My feet are fat!

Jamie Oliver again

Watched the show last night. Missed the second one so cannot comment on the progress at the original school. Still feel that Jamie is missing the boat--that he doesn't understand our culinary culture. We are a country of immigrants, some newer than others. We are a country of regions. Each region has it's own culinary identity. Although it seems like the identities "bleed" into each other--we all eat pizza, hot dogs and hamburgers--the influences of ethnicity and region are still obvious. Let's first look at why we can't serve kids freshly prepared foods. It was obvious in last night's episode: not enough staff to prep, cook and serve the food. And, I'm just guessing, the big food companies would work pretty hard to keep their contracts with the schools. I agree that school lunch is appalling. No one is arguing with Oliver over that. It's his approach that I don't like. French kids may eat quiche for lunch and sit for the full lunch hour enjoying their meal with appropriate music playing in the background. But that's not what American kids do. They go to lunch just because everyone is going. They complain about the mystery meat because that's what kids do. They throw away most of the food, not because it's disgusting (because most kids wouldn't really know or care) but because everyone else is and because they want to get outside to play. Playground time, recess time, is way more important to American kids than lunchtime. Don't try to make our school lunch like Great Britain's or France's or any other country's. Let's make OUR school lunch better by staying within the confines of our culture and feeding our kids what we American eat.
Oh, I thought the school foodservice director made a fool of herself when she declared that french fries qualified as a vegetable but Jamie's stir fry did not! Now that's a problem--if the definition of vegetable includes french fries. And I love french fries. They're one of my favorite foods. But let's not fool ourselves--they don't--or they shouldn't--constitute a serving of veg.
And the young girl who was so overweight--I sure hope they didn't desert her when filming was over. She needs a lot of support if she is going to get healthier.
So I'll watch it again next week although I still don't like what I see. A lot of my feelings are similar to a show that Shaq did a few years ago. Tactics matter. And they cannot be excused even if the goal is reached.

Too much TV

I guess I watch too much TV. Not daytime TV but at night. Too tired to read and just want to veg out. This is not the reason I'm fat, though. I'm fat because I eat too much so let's just end that part of the conversation right there.
Two TV shows this week "affected" me:
On Sunday night I watched Jamie Oliver's show about trying to revolutionize school lunch in the US. I did not like what I saw. I'm trying to remind myself that they edited it for dramatic effect and that hundreds of hours of footage ended up not being used but I didn't like what I saw. He referred to the cooks as "girls" (they're about twice his age) and called them "lunch ladies" which we all know is a pejorative term. He dissed pizza for breakfast for the kids which I think shows how little he respects OUR culture. The pizza served at the school is not the best for health but he was dissing pizza for breakfast in general. Nothing at all wrong with pizza (cold or hot) for breakfast or meatballs and spaghetti or whatever. It's the quality of the food being served that is in question not that it is necessarily "approppriate" to the meal or the hour of the day. His attempt at serving the kids baked chicken, rice and veggies. Stupid. It's not food that these southern kids eat or are accustomed to eating. They want their chicken nuggets, fried food, etc. Not rice! Truth is that kids don't sit long enough at lunch time to finish food. They're more interested in getting outside to play and/or embarrassed to be eating the food if the other kids are not. Peer pressure. In addition to improving the quality of food served, we have to give kids more time to eat and encourage them to spend more time at the table eating. Because they don't even finish what they like! Anyway, not a fan of the show but will watch to see how it progresses. And where are the dietitians in that school district? And who says that "bread serving" has to actually be "bread"????
The Biggest Loser. My love hate relationship with that show continues. Today it's love. So impressed with how fit these big people have become. Even though some have lost over 100 pounds, they're all still pretty big and yet their fitness inspires me and amazes me. That's what it's about. Not wearing a slinky dress or walking bare chested on the beach but becoming healthier. And I was excited to see them at home, in street clothes for once, feeling good about themselves. The temptations are great and they still all have such a long way to go. This is not going to be a group of svelte beauties when the show is over but they've all made amazing changes. No idea who will win. Usually I have a favorite by now. I'm rooting for all of them. Mike is growing up. Away from his mother and his family. Sunshine has become a very strong (emotionally and physically woman). The cousins are a little too dour for me but their determination and focus is impressive. Looking foward to the finale. Always love seeing how they've changed. I just hope they learn enough to keep it going because this group will have to work hard long past the end of the show.
So last night I loved the show. Not too much product placement last night (blackberry apps notwithstanding).

What I should have eaten

Every day I make choices: what color eye shadow to wear, how to comb my hair, what shoes to wear, whether or not to be angry (yes, I can actually "decide" to be angry) but mostly I decide what to eat. And, alas, I usually make the wrong decision. For breakfast today I could have had a bowl of oatmeal but instead I had a smoothie. Now, smoothies are good. Fruits, milk. But really I could have used the fiber and the oatmeal would have been a much lower calorie choice.
I just got back from errands. I wanted a "snack". I could have had some fruit or even some veggies (all cut up in the frig already) but instead I ate a piece of Irish soda bread (made it yesterday....in honor of St. Pat's Day)that I topped with brown sugar before baking....just because.
Coulda Woulda Shoulda. My uncle told me never to say those words.

Special Report: Selling Healthy to Consumers

Would I choose more healthful food when I eat out if the information were readily available? Probably not because I don't eat out for convenience but to eat something special.


Special Report: Selling Healthy to Consumers: "Calorie counts posted on menu boards. Marketing campaigns touting new &quot..."

Biggest Loser Wrap Up

Again with The Biggest Loser! I can't stop. Although tonight didn't grab me. The tears. Everyone misses their families. Are they really that isolated? They should be so exhausted (and hungry!) that all they care about is sleep. The gamesmanship bores me. I'm not intrigued by any of the cast this season. Sorry that Miggy is gone. She was one spunky lady. But the others...I don't feel anything for them. Don't know why. And now that Jillian is a sweetheart, there's nothing for me to even get angry about.
Yeah, I could never be a contestant. Commercial chocolate chip cookies. Not on your life. I would have refused to eat them. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, oozing peanut butter. Didn't look appetizing to me at all.
How much longer? They all have so much more weight to lose. And what do I mean by that? So much more weight to lose until what???? Until they're "thin"? I mean, I'm shocked that I said that!
I did like knowing that previous contestants work to support present contestants. That's a plus. I think we don't know enough about what happens after the show is over. Do contestants pay for their own gym memberships? And do they get therapy while on the show?
Sigh. I guess I'll watch to the end but I'm not so motivated to stay tuned any more. This group, I don't know, no personality. Is it just me?