Bikini body

Women's magazines. They all tell me that it's the time of year when I should be getting back into shape (the presumption is that I sat on my fat ass all winter, drinking hot chocolate and bemoaning my lack of opportunity to exercise as though the gym was closed due to cold) so that I can be ready to hit the beach in my string bikini. As though a person who did sit on her fat ass all winter could indeed be beach ready in a few short weeks doing some push ups and ball tosses.
What about those of us who will never have bikini bodies? Where are the articles for us? Oh, yes. There's always something on the best bathing suit for your body. If you're pear shaped, wear this. If you're apple shaped, wear this. What if you're just plain fat? What should we wear? Big arms, no waist, ample chest, protruding belly, big butt. Is there a bathing suit for us? Will a well developed calf muscle take the viewer's eye away from the the purple veins that line an otherwise almost albino white leg?
In Body Pump class last week the teacher said to work hard so that we could have "sun dress ready arms". My arms will never be ready for a sun dress. No matter how hard I work out. No matter how much weight I lift. Do the other women in the class believe that their arms will be sun dress ready just because they swing a few weights around? Do they see what I see when they look in the mirror? Do they see what I see when I look at them?
So, alas, the magazines don't tempt me to buy them with their cover stories. The articles do not appeal to me. I have a never to be bikini ready body and arms better kept secret from the world.