I'm still here

I haven't posted for a few days or maybe more than a "few" days which is unusual for me since I had been posting daily since all this dieting began. There's been mostly weight gain over the last weeks. And no control or interest in controlling intake. I was missing cooking. Sure, I cooked meals but nothing that was any fun. And I was missing just grabbing something to eat without having to think about it, ponder its effect on my hips.
It turns out that I haven't learned anything at all since I started WW months ago. Or at least nothing that stuck. Because once I crossed the line, I went all the way.
So now I'm thinking. What to do. What to do. Go back the ascetic way of eating. Interestingly, I have not been obsessed by food thoughts since I threw in the towel. I sleep and dream of things other than food! I daydream about issues that are not related to food. My stops at Trader Joe's have decreased and shopping is a lot easier now that I am not consumed with dieting.
But today I sort of went back to WW. Sort of. Maybe more than sort of.
So far today, I've been back eating with a lot of pre-thought. I've not been particularly hungry today so it hasn't been a problem. Fish. Vegetables. Sweet potato. Salad. Asparagus. Boring. I mean, if the fish had been breaded and fried, ok. If the sweet potato had been mashed with some butter. That would have been great. But I ate. I'm not hungry. I'm not obsessed yet. We'll see.