Message to Oprah

I'm a fan. I'm not a fan. I was a fan. Oprah has changed through the years. She's so needy. She appeals to the neediest among her fan base. She sometimes creeps me out. I'm so sorry that she's gained weight. I'm especially sorry that she still doesn't understand. I'm not into the spiritual thing like she is (I'm spiritual...but in a religious way and that isn't what she means when she says spiritual) and these people she had on her show yesterday send shivers up (or is it down?) my spine.
Oprah, Oprah, Oprah. This crap about "being good to yourself" is a trap. You are already too self indulgent. You are already too good to yourself. You eat mashed potatoes when you feel bad. That's self indulgent. You stay in bed when you should be out there running the treadmill. That's self indulgent. You work too hard? Honey, we all do!
I have to tell Oprah to stop searching. This is all there is. Live with it. Love it. And, please, Oprah, learn to accept that you will never look like Cher. Jeez. Who would want to! Not the way she looks now, anyway. You can only look like "your best self" (there, that's Oprah language so maybe she can understand).
And looking like her own best self might be weighing 200 pounds. In a work out suit. With sneakers on. Wind in her hair as she jogs through the snow.
And these diets she goes on. She doesn't want to eat the way Bob tells her to eat. She hates eating that way. So she cannot follow that diet forever. Bob eats that way because he likes it. And because eating that way makes him rich!
You know, I don't know if this "blown out" thyroid thing is real or not. But she's been fat so many times before that I gotta say, "no". That's not it. She's fat because she eats too many calories compared to the number of calories she uses. End of story. If the thyroid is the "excuse" du jour, what was the excuse all the other times?
I'm sorry, Oprah. Get real. Get "authentic" (another one of those meaningless words that the spiritual people fling around). Stop looking for reasons past your own hand to mouth!
Now, my own problems. I'm fat because I eat too much. See, how easy that is? Just cop to the truth and you'll feel oh so much better.