Friday, January 9, 2009

Facing myself

So I've told Oprah off. Now it's time to face myself. Many months ago when I started this blog, I proudly proclaimed that I had conquered my eating demons. That plain food tasted good. That I was learning to control my appetite. That I was paying attention. That I was virtuous. Alas, all bullshit. Well, I believed it at the time.
I was so proud of my shrinking waist measurement. Being able to zip jeans. And looking in the mirror without cringing (as much). The pride was misplaced. The jeans no longer zip. The mirror is again my enemy.
Started with the trip to NYC. I didn't even go all out. Controlled lots of my urges but also gave in over and over again to high calorie foods in huge portions. Came home and faltered over and over. Finally threw in the towel sort of. I mean, I still haven't eaten pizza. I can't believe it. I've avoided the fried chicken restaurants (although I look longingly at them as I drive past). But the reality is that I am fat AGAIN.
Remember, the weight issue is not to fit into a slinky dress or to be able to wear a bikini. No one wants to see a 64 year old woman in a slinky dress or bikini no matter how good she looks. And I'm healthy. But I want to stay that way. And although I would accept this weight if there were no health risks associated with it, I know I am not eating in a way to maintain health.
So, Oprah and I are focusing on health. Eating fruits and veggies. Whole grains. Trying to reduce sugar intake. Working on it. Making no promises. Hoping not to miss the foods I love....none of them health!
Life may not be fair but that's the way it is.

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