Slimming bathing suits and other lies

It's still kind of chilly here in Phoenix so maybe it's a little early to anticipate the hell of shopping for a bathing suit but I just got an e-mail from a manufacturer of women's slimming undergarments (WLU) letting me know that they have a new slimming swimsuit. The cartoon model is svelte, long legged and gorgeous. Yes, I'm sure the WSU bathing suit is making her look ten pounds slimmer. I know a lot of people who swear by WSU but they're not as fat as I am. They've got way less to hold in. Why, if I had that little to hold in, I'd just hold my breath.
But, folks, let's face it. Even if I looked ten pounds slimmer, I would not be parading around the beach proudly showing off my figure. In fact, I would avoid parading at all costs. T shirt over swimsuit would be the wardrobe of the day for sure. To protect me from exposure to ultraviolet rays, of course.
Who looks good in swimsuits with built in girdles? Slender people, of course. Those iron swimsuits do little to hold in bulges and ripples of fat. And what about cottage cheese thighs and bat wing arms? The suits have no effect on those.
Do any of us actually think that wearing a WSU under our clingy clothes hides the fat? Do any of us actually think that wearing a loose fitting shirt hides the fat? Do any of us really believe that wearing black or a solid color or vertical stripes really makes a difference when you're fat?