Hunger, fullness and quantity

Another breakthrough-I shared a hamburger yesterday. A hamburger! Who doesn't eat an entire hamburger by herself? I decided if I was still hungry, I'd order another one. Half a burger and a shared green salad and I was satisfied. Until this morning! How could that be? And it wasn't a huge burger. More the size you would make at home-not a puny McD's burger. I'm shocked. Of course, I wanted more. Very flavorful meat. Cooked perfectly. Juicy. But again it was my mouth that wanted more. Not my tummy. So I resisted the tempation to overindulge. I exited quickly before the waiter came by to offer me more food. "Did you save room for dessert?". My least favorite question in the world. Save room. Is the waiter an idiot?
This morning I was thinking about being hungry. I was hungry at the time. It occurred to me that it probably doesn't matter how hungry you are when you sit down to eat, if you are mindful and intuitive you should be satisfied with about the same amount of food whether you are "starving" or just hungry. The fullness feeling would first be in the stomach. Since that would most probably be close to empty if you were truly hungry then the same amount of food should signal a fullness feeling regardless of how many hours it's been since the last meal. I don't know if this is scientifically valid but it makes sense to me.
So if I should be satisfied with about the same quantity of food regardless of the degree of hunger, then why do I eat so much when I'm very hungry? Because I'm not paying attention to how I feel. I'm focused on how hungry I WAS and not how hungry I still AM.
Even other metabolic changes that signal hunger/satiety like blood sugar should signal satiety after eating a mixed meal whether the meal is huge or normal. I think. I'm going to have to do some research to be sure but this is making sense to me.
Now if only I can use this to my advantage.....

Overeating

I have an issue with myself. I'm still eating too much. Maybe not too many calories although that would account for the slower than anticipated or hoped for loss of chubbiness. But I'm definitely eating too much food sometimes. Like this morning, for instance. Had a good workout. Came home. Made a smoothie. Like a good little die*ter I made it with frozen fruit, skim milk, Splenda for sweetener and cocoa powder (instead of the delicious Fox's UBet syrup that I long for). The smoothie comes out very thick from the frozen fruit. Sort of like a soft serve frozen custard. It can be very filling especially because there is a lot of fruit in it. So I drank half of it. I was feeling "full" but I finished it. Because I love the way it feels in my mouth-all cold and creamy. I love sucking on the straw. Don't try to picture it. Just accept it.
I did stop halfway and thought about not finishing it but I finished it anyway. Right down to the last slurp. Now I'm bloated. Not uncomfortably so but bloated nonetheless. Fruit and skim milk. Not that many calories but it's the principle. Why did I continue after I knew I had enough? Just because it felt good in my mouth???? That's a problem I have to work on. Obviously. It doesn't matter if it's celery-when I've had enough, I have to stop. Otherwise I'm going to have to eat only foods that don't feel good in my mouth or taste good to me. That's purgatory to an eater like I am. Not that I'm into punishing myself....although eating to the point of being bloated is indeed a punishment of sorts. Something for me to think about.

Profiteroles

I have a favorite dessert-profiteroles. Crispy, light as air pastries filled with creamy ice cream and topped with lots of warm thick gooey sweet chocolate sauce. Profiteroles. The perfect dessert. I tasted profiteroles for the first time about forty years ago in London. A day that changed my life. There was something about that dessert-including the visual beauty of those sweet little ice cream filled balls floating in a sea of chocolate sauce-that appealed to all my senses. Very few restaurants know how to make good profiteroles and very few have them on the menu. They're sort of a 60s throwback-they're a retro dessert.
Tarbell's, a local Phoenix restaurant, has always had them on the menu. They're among the best I've ever had. We ate at Tarbell's last night. I did my chicken and veggie thing. Very good. Felt satisfied. The profiteroles never even entered my conscious thought process until the waiter brought the dessert menu. And there they were. Staring at me in black and white. Profiteroles. OMG. Should I? Just a taste? A bite? I could leave the rest over. Or the other three people at the table could finish them. Even just to look at those scrumptious orbs.
I did not succumb. I did not order them. I did not allow myself to be tempted. Well, I was tempted but I didn't give in.
I don't feel deprived this morning. I'm okay. I know they're still on the menu. Another day. I know that I have to stay true to eating this way until the weight "melts" away. Then I can moderate a bit. The longer I do this, the less I feel like straying.
Of course, I just spent three days of gorging myself in LA so it's easy to say that I can wait! But I didn't gorge. I ate a lot but not everything I might have in the past. I exercised some sensible control.
No weighing, though. I'll wait until next week. I'm never good at facing the truth. No matter what the truth is. Some people "just want to know". I'd rather be in the dark.
Still, I am curious. I'm leaving for the gym now. Perhaps I will weigh myself when I get there. But if it's bad, I'll be so disappointed. Or maybe not.

Missing nuts

I'm in a groove with this die*ting thing now. No need to check the list of allowable foods. Don't have to write down what I've eaten for the day to make certain I've met my quota of dairy, fruits and veggies. But I've started to notice what I miss from my regular diet. And, no, it isn't ice cream. It's stuff that I can have but choose not to in order to save up "points" (aka, calories) for the weekend when I eat out. I'm talking about nuts, dried fruits and bread. I used to eat a few handfuls (okay...it's the "few" that was the problem-should have eaten just one small handful) of almonds every day. Always added dried cranberries to salads or dried blueberries to my oatmeal. Bread? Never been much of a bread eater but might take a pita bread and wrap it around some chicken for a real quickie lunch. I've had none of those since this started. I miss nuts a lot. I miss dried fruits. And I even miss bread. There isn't any bread in the house right now so there's no visual temptation-just the temptation in my head. I've had the opportunity to eat bread at restaurants and even then have chosen not to indulge.

And maybe it's not the almonds, dried fruit and bread that I miss. Maybe it's just being able to grab something to eat whenever I feel like it. And "feel" like it means when my mouth calls out for food and not when my tummy growls at me. I find that I have to "censor" my food thoughts all the time. If I'm not hungry, I do not "allow" myself to eat.

The eating orgy that I engaged in with my friends over the weekend made me realize how far I've come. I was only hungry once during those three days. Yet I ate most of the time when we stopped for food. That was the purpose of the trip, after all. To eat. I realized that I can eat whether I'm hungry or not. And that was probably my biggest problem (next to bad choices and quantity) before-eating even though I wasn't hungry. I can eat as much when I am not hungry as when I am. So filling my stomach had little to do with meeting my nutrient needs! But I always knew that my mouth and the desire for tasty food ruled my eating.

Now my brain is in charge. It's not as much fun. I liked it better when my mouth was in charge.

Clean wholesome food

It wasn't that difficult to get back to eating the "right way" yesterday. In fact, it was easy. I so much enjoyed the few days of gluttony-I mean, who wouldn't love a white bread sandwich filled with sweetened whipped cream and fruit??? But all the sauces and flavors exhausted my palate after a while and I really did long for something plain. Some food that tasted like the food it was. I wanted one stalk of broccoli that was just broccoli with nothing on it-except maybe for a few grains of sea salt (I'm a "gourmet" after all...has to be sea salt). Plain and simple. Clean and fresh. Flavor coming from being fresh.
A trip to the farmer's market yesterday yielded two bags full of fresh summer fruits and veggies. Then a quick trip to Trader Joe's where I found something new-black apricots. Black apricots. They're juicy and delicious. They sort of look like plums with their dark skin but the skin is not smooth-it's fuzzy like an apricot's. The flesh is yellow orange and delicious. I never heard of black apricots before but they're damned good! Who needs white bread sandwiches filled with creamy sweet whipped cream when you can have fresh summer fruit?

Aftermath of Indulgence

Five days in LA. Probably five pounds added to my frame. Not planning on a weigh in today. I don't have the strength of character to face the WW leader. I know I gained weight. That's why I am "die*ting"-because when I eat what I want, I gain weight. And I didn't eat all that I wanted this past week. But I sure did eat a lot. The purpose of the trip was to eat. I had to fulfill the purpose, after all. This is the second trip I've taken with my friends for the sole purpose of eating. Decadent. I know. But lots of laughs and worth every calorie.
It was my intention to stick to my regimen. I was going to be on the outside looking in-watching them stuff their faces with huge quantities of delectable foods. As soon as we walked into the dim sum restaurant, I knew all was lost. The little dim sum plates were piled high on the table by the time we were finished. I was a little disappointed in myself. Not a lot. But a little.
And so it went. Indulgence after indulgence. Some delicious beyond description (like the involtini at Jar) and others not worth a second bite (like the fish at Lucques). The pastrami at Langer's was worth every calorie. The burger at Akasha-not. There were moments of clarity-like when I turned down the Pinkberry. But mostly I was in a food haze the entire time. Right down to the last crazy moment: a sandwich on white bread. But not an ordinary sandwich. Each of the three layers was spread with perfectly sweetened whipped cream and cut up fresh fruit. A layer cake made with white bread! Now if it had been whole wheat, perhaps I might have thought of it as a health food! It was worth every calorie. Whipped cream. Sweet summer fruits. What could be bad! A little weird. On white bread. Loved it. How simple.
I passed on the tacos, enchiladas, nachos, guacamole and laksa (Mexican and Indonesian food at one meal....yes). I was stuffed from my whipped cream sandwich.
Back on track today. Oatmeal. Salads. Veggies. Fish. Actually relieved to be eating simply again. It was fun but my old body cannot take the assault of calories with the same grace that it once did.

LaLa Land Temptation again!

Off to LA again. Sun. Sea breezes. Svelte gorgeous bodies. Lots of farm fresh fruits and veggies. What more could anyone ask for?
Lots of eating to be done. Restaurant reservations made. People to see. Places to go. Things to do. Almost all involve FOOD. Another test. I'm feeling up to the test right now. Until I get to the airport. The Starbuck's counter sells this marble pound cake (pound cake...hmmm...how many pounds does an all butter pound cake add?) that I really like. I only eat it at the airport when I am leaving in the early morning (and a 7:20 flight, I believe, qualifies as EARLY). I shall not eat it today. I shall not eat it today. I shall not eat it today. I can taste it in my mouth right now. But I will be strong. Because I want to "save" the calories for the big meals. For the good meals. I will be strong.
Wish me luck!